Sunday, July 21, 2013

Join my new group Americans for the Truth About Crayons

What is it with these crayons in this new box i just got? who the hell put all these fake "crayons" in my box. i know what colors they're supposed to come in - and i'm sorry, but Mauvelous Mauve ,atomic tangerine, banana mania? crayola can call them what they want, but they will never be real crayons. even worse, the color changeup line is shaking its fist at god- won't someone think of the children? insidiously, they even named one baby's blanket - have they no shame, using our precious baby's to push their perverse trans-color agenda. don't get me started on those glitter filled abominations some may call "crayons", but i know better. and those heads n tails "crayons" along with the extreme twistable colors don't even look like crayons. mark my words, if crayola continues to mock Minerva, she's going to destroy us all to avenge the marketing dept.'s hubris.

We need to fight this horrific slide towards artistic diversity and fake "crayons" being foisted upon us, but we're expected to simply shut up and let it happen. Don't worry, it won't impact you if there are freakishly long, twistable abominations being marketed as "crayons".  Poppycock!   You can tell the goddesses are pissed - if you need any more proof how it is impacting the entire art world, simply turn on top 40 radio these days and listen to what we are expected to accept as "music" - the movie companies have been recycling bad television series into even worse "movies" for years, and remaking classic films into "movies" from the land of thud. If you need more proof, it seems that the goddesses lifted their protection from the painting world as well, allowing Picasso’s 1971 Harlequin Head; Monet’s 1901 Waterloo Bridge, London and Charing Cross Bridge, London; Matisse’s 1919 Reading Girl in White and Yellow; Paul Gauguin’s 1898 Girl in Front of Open Window; Meyer de Haan’s Self-Portrait, around 1890; and Lucian Freud’s 2002 work Woman With Eyes Closed -- to be stolen and most possibly burned in a stove

I myself have been afflicted with lyric writers block - Brigit has teamed up with Eris and are punishing me for not having started this effort earlier.  So what I need you to do is help me set the world aright.  But don't get me wrong - we are not anti-Twistable "crayons" - just pro-crayon, like the goddesses intended.  Even crayola knows what they've done - admitting that they have strayed from what we all know are TRUE crayons- describing them as  " the classic kids' art tool. They are the colors generations have grown up with - from red, yellow, and blue to gold, copper and silver, too! Crayola Crayons are designed with a focus on true color, smoothness, and durability." 

The most insidious part about this dangerous experimentation with children's art supplies, is that the purveyors of faux "crayons" are targeting our children!   If you look at their website, they have pictures of youngsters all over the place, tempting them to stray from tradition - from what everyone knows, and what common sense dictates - that real crayons come in a 24-96 count cardboard fliptop box, are only one, solid color.

I need your help, and more importantly lots of cash to defeat the forces of multi-colorism, who are attempting to shove their abominable art sticks into our fingers, and more insidiously, into the hands of our children.  Together we can make this right - Demand One Color, One Crayon!  Just the other night, I was at a warehouse, and groups of long-haired men were unloading crates of dry erase "crayons", washable "crayons", and glitter filled sticks of doom - all destined for our children's school desks and even reaching into the sanctity of their playrooms at home!  

Next thing you know, the muses will allow both Miley Cyrus, Bruno Mars, Justin Timberlake all in the Billboard Top 10 in the same week.   Please - join the Americans for Truth About Crayons now, before Minerva puts down her traditional crayon, just like they have always been made, One Color, One Crayon - and picks up her spear and pokes america in the eye with it.

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